Just when you think it’s all coming together with the nice house, happy kids, steady job, and a mostly amazing marriage, your world comes crashing down on you. Your spouse tells you they aren’t happy and have been thinking about divorce. Your mind begins to race while you struggle to figure out how to save a marriage from divorce. You couldn’t have been more unprepared for this setback. Everything that you have dreamed about, planned for, and wanted from your life is suddenly in question.
As you retrace your years together and where things went wrong, you wonder what, if anything, there is you can do to save a failing marriage. If you were caught off guard with the news that your partner was thinking about divorce, you might be in shock and completely paralyzed with fear. Having a conversation with your spouse about whether marriage therapy can help a marriage in trouble will be hard and might be met with resistance. If they are willing to talk about things and you see a glimmer of hope, grab it and start calling professionals for marriage therapy in Orlando.
To save a marriage from divorce there needs to be a strong commitment on both sides to work on what is wrong in the relationship. It can’t be a one-way street. If you are the only one trying to save a marriage from divorce, you will not get very far. You need to hope that your partner will be willing to go with you for expert help. If they are, then you are one step ahead of the game. The next step will require you to look deep inside at your own accountability in the marriage. You should be prepared to be open to feedback and understand that you may need to change many things about how you act if you want your marriage to work. This part of marriage therapy is not easy and that is why you have found a professional for marriage help. Hearing from both sides gives a marriage therapist the ability to provide neutral feedback and make observations of behaviors that might need to change from each of you.
The marriage may or may not have been in trouble for a long time, or there might have been a single incident that brought the “D” word to the forefront. Whatever the case is, once it is spoken, couples often find themselves in verbal battles. This is a very critical time and emotions are high. You need to decide that you will not do any more damage to the marriage with words or arguing. Keep a journal or log of your thoughts, hurts, or fears and bring it with you to marriage therapy so that you can have a safe place to talk it out. A marriage therapist will teach you both how to get your points across without being mean, blaming, or causing harm.
These top five tips to save a marriage from divorce won’t work alone. You also need to talk to someone who can guide your marriage in the right direction. If you or your spouse is discussing divorce, then you can’t simply rely on yourselves to fix what’s wrong in your marriage. If you had the qualifications to be a marriage therapist, then you wouldn’t be reading this for help. Put your ego aside for this one and find a marriage therapist that is trained in specific couples’ therapy techniques. The Gottman Method, for example, is a world-renowned marriage therapy technique based on years of research and data. Your marriage is worth the time and the extra expense of hiring a professional who can offer you the best support.
You might be tempted to avoid your spouse and disengage from your relationship during this time. Running away to friends and family provides short-term relief and allows a temporary escape from marriage issues. This just isn’t the best answer for how to save a failing marriage. Assuming that you and your partner have agreed the marriage is worth saving, then this is the time you will need to begin to rebuild what has been damaged. That means that you will have to practice the lessons you learn in marriage therapy and follow through with each other outside of session. Making a commitment to each other again means that your marriage is important and does come first.
When you first got together, you both spent a lot of time getting to know one another and listening a lot. The art of active listening goes a long way and helps in the process of building trust, friendship, and intimacy again. You don’t have to agree with everything your partner says, or even understand their point of view. Being a good listener means that you care enough to set your own feelings or opinions aside. It provides a safe place for the other person to process things. Marriage therapy emphasizes techniques for couples to learn to communicate, respect, and trust one another again.
This skill of self-soothing is an all too often neglected self-help tool that could help you in so many situation, but especially during marital conflict. Any marriage therapist in Orlando will tell you that if you want to save a marriage from divorce you need to learn to calm yourself down before acting out. You should never look to your partner for excessive reassurance or to alleviate your insecurities. You have to learn to find healthy ways to soothe yourself so that you do not overwhelm your partner and push them away. You would be surprised at how easy it is to practice this skill and how effective it can be in improving your relationships.
These top five tips to save a marriage from divorce are just a few quick things you can try today. The best way to get help is to speak to a professional marriage therapist. This way you can be assured that you are not trying to do things on your own and giving your failing marriage the best chance for survival. If you would like more information about how marriage therapy in Orlando can help, email Orlando Thrive Therapy or call 407-592-8997 today to book your first marriage therapy session.
Heather Oller is a licensed Orlando therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching & Counseling who specializes in counseling Orlando couples, individuals, and families who are seeking changes in their lives. She has been a mental health professional for over 17 years and is a practicing Orlando counselor that specializes in conflict resolution for couples. You can contact her for an appointment or call 407-592-8997 for more information.