The most common thing that I hear in Couples Therapy from clients is how “frustrated” and “exhausted” they are at trying to fix things on their own. By the time they have finally decided to make an investment in couple’s therapy by seeking help from a marriage and couples therapist, they have come to the “end of their rope.”
The worst thing a couple can do is give in to complacency. Accepting things the way they are is the same thing as giving up. You are worth more than that and so is your relationship! Expecting things to change without getting expert help will benefit no one. Of course, you can buy self help books, watch videos online, or subscribe to “relationship rescue” propaganda, but the real work a couple needs to do is far more involved than that.
What I have learned in my experience as a couple’s therapist is that the value of healthy relationships is immeasurable. When you are in a thriving, deeply in-tune, loving, respectful partnership, the benefit of that experience can be felt in all areas of your life. Your mind no longer has to be boggled down with anxiety and stress about the relationship. Having a relationship that is not “frustrating” or “exhausting” supports a healthier, happier version of you.
Sadly, sometimes when a couple seeks couple’s therapy, they have been repeating negative patterns for quite some time. They often come with the false perception that they only need to work on their communication skills and things will get better. What we know about successful, happy, thriving couples can be measured from the on-going works of Dr’s Julie and John Gottman. Over two decades of studying more than 3000 couples gave The Gottman’s enough solid evidence to predict with over 90% accuracy the work that is required for couples to be successful.
While communication and conflict are important topics, the conclusion from all that research was that these are not the most important areas of focus. So, it isn’t the amount of conflict a couple has or how they communicate that predicts their success or failure.
Couple’s therapy is the BEST investment because it aligns you with a true professional resource; Someone who understands and gets to the bottom of the deeper core issues a couple needs to be happier. Here are some other core issues that need to be processed between a couple more deeply than just “learning communication skills”:
To do this type of couple’s therapy work you need to have an expert who not only has training but experience. The work that couples embark on in couple’s therapy is meant to bring about change and awareness. Over the past decade I have gained a vast amount of experience from diving into the trenches with my couples and helping them do this work. A couple can not do this work alone. There is so much to discover about one another and the relationship that requires the right guide.
Couple’s therapy is rooted in creating a space for discover that is safe and respectful. Without the right guide to walk you through this process, you can find yourself lost and confused. You may have already experienced this in your own efforts, which keep bringing you back to feeling “frustrated” and “exhausted.” In the 18 years that I have practiced in mental health, I have been honored to witness the true value in how quickly people can change when they reach out for the right help. As a marriage and couples therapist, I know that couples rely on me to provide them with the best resources and learn through my experiences in successfully helping others.
When your relationship is suffering and you are spending your energy feeling “frustrated” and “exhausted,” other areas of your life will start to suffer too. Work becomes a chore (or an escape), and your home becomes a place of tension instead of peace. This type of existence is so unnecessary and avoidable. Investing in your relationship and starting couples therapy takes you from complacency to change. Making an investment in couple’s therapy is making an investment in your future, your life, and your overall health & happiness.
Take a moment and consider the things that you are willing to “invest” in. I bet that the vast majority of those investments are not even “investments.” If something doesn’t produce a benefit or build equity, then some might even consider it a loss. There is nothing that produces more equity in life than investing in your relationships. The value and rewards are immeasurable. Waking up each day with peace of mind, a full heart, and satisfying connections will carry equity through to the very end. More so than any tangible item you could sink your money into.
My advice is to stop waiting and make the investment in a couple’s therapy session today. In my 18 years working with therapy clients, I can assure you the investment is worth it. You and your relationship DO MATTER. Time waits for now one and life is meant to be lived to the fullest, richest, happiest measures possible. You deserve the relationship you always dreamed of! Call today for a free phone consultation and to discuss how couples therapy can help you.
Heather Oller is a licensed Orlando therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching & Counseling who specializes in counseling Orlando couples, individuals, and families who are seeking changes in their lives. She has been a mental health professional for over 17 years and is a practicing Orlando counselor that specializes in conflict resolution for couples. You can contact her for an appointment or call 407-592-8997 for more information.