Fighting is normal in relationships, as you may have conflict when you differ in opinions. However, there is a productive way to fight, and then there is a destructive way to fight. By learning how to approach conflict in a productive way, you can grow alongside your partner and allow your marriage to stay healthy. As an experienced marriage therapist in Winter Park, we help couples learn to fight fair. These are a few ways that you can approach conflict so that you can fight fair in your marriage.
The way a conversation starts determines how it ends. This means that when you start a conflict, you want to do it the right way. Avoid yelling at your partner or scolding them for something they don’t even know about yet. Conflicts can occur at any point in time, whether they are ready or not. Be sure that you stay calm and start the conversation with a matter-of-fact statement instead of a hostile remark.
When the conflict persists over time, it can become emotionally draining. As you get more tired from the topic, you may start to lose your temper or just lose control over the situation in general, which can lead you to say things you regret. Avoid this by pressing pause on the fight and taking a few minute-long breaks. These breaks can allow you to regroup and decompress from the heat of the moment. After 20 minutes, return back to the conversation with a refreshed attitude.
During a heated argument, you may feel tempted to flee from the situation. Running away will not solve the problem. Instead, it will just allow it to continue longer than it needs to, and this can create even more mounting tension. Face the conflict head-on as it develops, and this will help to prevent the same conflicts from returning in the future. Running away is never the answer when you need to compromise in a marriage.
Being mean is just unnecessary when you are in the middle of a conflict, no matter how much you may want to take a few jabs at your partner. Keep the rude comments and mean responses to yourself, and this will allow you to instead focus on solution-based responses. Try to get to the heart of the matter so that you can come up with a compromise and move past the conflict. When mean words start to get thrown, you will realize that the conflict will likely not be resolved without some collateral damage.
By fighting fair, you allow conflict to be a productive part of your marriage, where you feel safe to state your true emotions and feelings. If you have difficulty with conflict in your marriage, you may want to consider going to a marriage therapist in Winter Park.
Heather Oller is a licensed Orlando therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching & Counseling who specializes in counseling Orlando couples, individuals, and families who are seeking changes in their lives. She has been a mental health professional for over 17 years and is a practicing Orlando counselor that specializes in conflict resolution for couples. You can contact her for an appointment or call 407-592-8997 for more information.