Why Am I Sabotaging My Marriage?

Why Am I Sabotaging My Marriage?

Why Am I Sabotaging My Marriage?

If you haven’t had a chance to read the blog on making bad choices, take a look at it and give it a read! Marriage therapy in Dr. Phillip's counseling offices addresses a variety of relationship issues you may be having. It can be hard to know which decisions and choices are right or wrong when you are in a committed marriage or relationship.  There is no rule book, just two people who may have different rules but are trying to play on the same field. It can be a time of intense self-sacrifice and sometimes old habits of relationship sabotage come back into play. Dr. Phillip's marriage therapy helps couples unite their shared beliefs and desires for a successful marriage and prevent sabotage. 


Getting married is a joyous time, but also a time of great stress. This is a time when two worlds collide into one and individuality sometimes feels like it is being sacrificed for the unit. Sometimes in a marriage or long-term relationship, there could be one partner that is unconsciously sabotaging the connection.  There are many reasons this could be happening. The choice to sabotage a relationship can be either a conscious one or a subconscious one. 

To figure out if your marriage is being sabotaged either by your own actions or by the actions of your partner, look deeper at a few things. Dr. Phillip's marriage therapy will help give you a neutral, safe place to look more closely into what is causing trouble in a marriage. Your marriage therapist will help you examine your relationship and personal contributions more closely. First, try looking for the point where you feel the sabotaging began. Could it be when the marriage began and things really got serious?  Do you think it was as a result of feeling like one of you was contributing more to the marriage than the other?


When a Dr. Phillip's marriage counselor meets with you they normally can identify two thoughts patterns individuals in a rocky marriage tend to have: fear of losing a sense of self and fear of failure. When it comes to being scared in a marriage or committed relationship, you may start to feel this way if you are nervous or worried about the intense commitment of marriage, disappointing your partner, or being vulnerable or losing yourself to someone else.  You may then start to think about ways you can avoid this feeling which can then lead to making sabotaging choices and behaviors. 

Your fear of failure of the marriage also plays a major role. You may believe that you are going to do something wrong anyway and no matter how hard you try you will mess something up. This can then lead to sabotaging your relationship in unconscious ways to test things and see if they "hold up." In Dr. Phillip's marriage therapy, elements of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) will teach you that your thoughts lead to certain negative or positive actions. Your thoughts influence your emotions which influence your behaviors. 


That said, before you start any sabotaging thinking patterns, take a moment and reflect on your thoughts first. Refocus on the benefits you get from the marriage and how they make you feel, and then proceed with the actions that promote those feelings. This is a start to remedying any self-sabotaging you may do in relationships. It is ok to ask for professional help from a Dr. Phillip's marriage therapist. In marriage therapy, core issues that are negatively impacting the marriage's success can be eliminated very quickly so you can both go on to enjoy a happy, healthy, fulfilling marriage.  

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(407) 592-8997

216 Pasadena Pl
Orlando, Florida 32803
Heather Oller

Heather Oller is the owner and founder of Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching, and Counseling. She is a licensed counselor and a family mediator who has over 23 years of dedicated work as a professional in the mental health field. Through her company's mission, she continues to pave the way for future therapists, and their clients, who want a higher quality of life....and who want to thrive, rather than just survive. You can contact Orlando Thrive Therapy at (407) 592-8997 for more information.