Marriage rates are supposedly declining. While it's an often-repeated statistic that half of first marriages conclude in divorce, it has remained unchanged for the last three decades. Divorce rates vary with their partners' education level, spiritual beliefs, and numerous other factors.
But when divorce happens, it results in problems for adults and kids. Divorce is of life's most stressful circumstances for adults. The determination to divorce is often met with ambivalence and apprehension about tomorrow. If kids are involved, they might experience adverse effects like denial, feelings of desertion, fury, accountability, guilt, obsession with reconciliation, and acting out.
While divorce might be essential and the most beneficial option for some, others might wish to attempt to salvage the union. Therefore, when partners experience issues or problems, they might wonder when it is reasonable to pursue marriage counseling. Our expert marriage therapist, Dr. Phillips, offers these reasons to seek marriage counseling.
If you and your spouse feel it is wise to stay together for your children, it helps to involve a third party. Usually, couples think they are doing the honorable thing by staying together when it is harmful to the kids. But, on the contrary, if you can resolve your issues and progress toward a healthy relationship, this might be the best conclusion for everyone.
In most cases, children should not be the determining factor when couples decide whether to remain married. Kids are typically very intuitive and clever. No matter how a team may believe they can fake their satisfaction, most children can tell when there are problems.
When a team argues or disagrees, a break usually is beneficial. Nevertheless, when a timeout shifts into overnight stays away from home or ultimately leads to a temporary separation, this might suggest a need for marriage therapy. Spending time away from home rarely resolves the problem. Instead, it fortifies the idea that time away is beneficial, often ushering in more absences. When an absent spouse returns, the issue is still there but frequently sidestepped because time has passed.
Often, what we feel on the inside is displayed on the outside. Even when we can mask these emotions for a while, they are sure to arise. Negative emotions like bitterness or dissatisfaction can transform into painful, sometimes destructive behaviors. For example, in a couple where the wife has been hurt by her spouse's indiscretions, she may agree to remain in the marriage and work things out and still become extremely spiteful. The wife might intentionally do something to make her spouse think she is cheating even when she isn't. She wants her spouse to feel the same pain, which is counterproductive. A skilled therapist can help the couple hash out negative emotions and discover better ways to communicate them.
Heather Oller is a licensed Orlando therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching & Counseling who specializes in counseling Orlando couples, individuals, and families who are seeking changes in their lives. She has been a mental health professional for over 17 years and is a practicing Orlando counselor that specializes in conflict resolution for couples. You can contact her for an appointment or call 407-592-8997 for more information.