If you haven’t had a chance to read our blog on making bad choices, take a look at it and give it a read before diving into this one! Some of it can apply to the choices and decisions you may be making in your interpersonal relationships, which leads us to the question if you think you are sabotaging your relationship(s). The choice to sabotage a relationship can be either a conscious one or a subconscious one.
First, try looking for the point where you feel the sabotaging begins. Could it be when the relationship begins to get serious or when you feel you are contributing so much more to the relationship than your partner is? Two thought patterns come across when we at Orlando Thrive Therapy work with individuals who tend to sabotage their relationships: fear with it being what they are scared of and invalidating themselves, such as assuming negative self-worth. Anxiety therapists in Orlando agree that self-esteem is a huge indicator of self-sabotaging behaviors.
When it comes to being scared in a relationship, you may start to feel this way if you are nervous or worried about the direction of the relationship or if you are scared about being intimate and vulnerable with your partner for the sake of maintaining a certain appearance in the relationship. You may then start to think about ways you can avoid this appearance from collapsing, or avoid feeling scared which now brings in the sabotaging choices and behaviors.
Your self-worth also plays a major role. You may believe that you are unworthy of love (which is not true) and believe you do not deserve the person you are with, so you will begin to shut away and reserve yourself and again be sabotaging your relationship. These experiences are powerful engines to fuel the sabotaging of a relationship.
With this journey, keep in mind relationship counseling in Orlando combined with cognitive-behavioral therapy can be great resources to help in how to have a healthy relationship. Your thoughts will influence your emotions, which consequently will influence your actions and behaviors. Therefore, before you start any sabotaging thinking patterns, try thinking first about the benefits you get from the relationship, and how they make you feel, and then proceed with the actions that promote those benefits and feelings. This a start to remedying any self-sabotaging you may do in relationships. Validation of self, awareness of our emotions and behaviors, and how they all connect are sure methods to aid in self-sabotage. Remember your experiences are valid and are not a burden to those in your life, after all, you're the one experiencing it not them.
Heather Oller is a licensed Orlando therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching & Counseling who specializes in counseling Orlando couples, individuals, and families who are seeking changes in their lives. She has been a mental health professional for over 17 years and is a practicing Orlando counselor that specializes in conflict resolution for couples. You can contact her for an appointment or call 407-592-8997 for more information.