“Why do I miss this relationship?” or “Why am I staying in this relationship?” have been some of the most recent questions individual therapists have received when it comes to knowing if a relationship is supportive or toxic for an individual. You may have asked yourself these questions, and if so there is a good chance that there are attention-seeking actions and behaviors you are showing. This is a normal response but this response is sometimes what affects you from growing and moving on from a relationship. In individual therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques help you identify this distorted thinking. CBT counselors teach clients how to stop seeking temporary relief from uncomfortable feelings and how not to act on emotions without understanding the implications that could arise.
When a relationship comes to an end, of course, it is natural to miss it, question what you could have done right, and wonder what could have been and so on but a majority of this comes from having a fear of not having love or compassionate attention anymore. This is what leads to you staying in a relationship due to the fear of lacking attention in your normal day-to-day. Asking yourself “why do I miss this relationship” regardless of the outcome is also common and again is rooted in the notion that now you have to adjust to a new way of living that is going to be different from what you were used to for the last set amount of time. So, let’s try to manage this. Coping with the lack of a relationship or compassionate attention requires the willingness to want to move on and better yourself. If you don’t have that then coping won’t be as successful. Individual therapists can teach you proper coping mechanisms, words of encouragement, and replacing negative messages.
Start to cope with it by asking yourself about some of the great qualities you have, how you can showcase them to the world, and what you offer to people when they meet you. Also, keep in mind the basic rule of Choice Theory which is you can only control what you do, not what others do. So yes putting yourself out there, meeting new people, engaging in conversations is fun, exciting, and nerve-racking but is how one moves on. You can only control how you engage with others and not how they will engage with you. Keep this in mind and be confident in the person who you are and the skill set you to bring to the table because you may start receiving attention again without even trying. If you are still trying to work through your most recent breakup and the adjunct life changes associated, talking through the emotions with an individual therapist in Orlando who uses CBT will help you gain self-awareness.
You can get started by reaching out by email or calling today for a consult with a CBT therapist in Orlando at Orlando Thrive Therapy. We look forward to hearing from you.
Heather Oller is a licensed Orlando therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching & Counseling who specializes in counseling Orlando couples, individuals, and families who are seeking changes in their lives. She has been a mental health professional for over 17 years and is a practicing Orlando counselor that specializes in conflict resolution for couples. You can contact her for an appointment or call 407-592-8997 for more information.