As part of the feeling and experience of shame, we reach the topic of sexual shame. These two things are highly connected due to the concept of vulnerability. Sexual shame is very common in couples in today’s world due to the way in which we connect with ourselves and others.
Sexual shame in a couple often stems from a small miscommunication in which we feel unwanted or unattended to. This leads into withholding of attention from our partners, which can further lead into emotional or physical affairs.
As mentioned in the shame article, this is a deep rooted issue that is very often brought into our relationships in which we play the blame/shame game. In a relationship there are two roles, pursuers and withdrawer. A pursuer that experiences shame might say “what’s wrong with me”, “will they be there for me”, “do I matter”. Whereas a withdrawer night say “I’m not enough”, “I don’t matter”, “I need to hide so my partner doesn’t see how terrible I am”. We want to fit in with our partner, be loved and attended to by our partner. A shame trigger will convince an individual that they aren’t worthy.
Shame is 10% in the present, which encompasses our shame triggers that are often found in relationships due to the vulnerability and importance we place on that relationship, which can only compare to the role and dynamic in which we had with our family. Shame is 90% in the past, which is where the healing needs to start.
“We determine who we are through the eyes of those we love”.
This reflects on the attachment we have to our significant other, and the way that shame can affect our relationship and ourselves. For more information on shame, visit: healingshame.com
For further understanding of sexual shame within yourself or your relationship, contact a counselor at Orlando Thrive Therapy today! To speak directly to the author of this article, email Mallory.firstname.lastname@example.org. Thrive on!
Heather Oller is a licensed Orlando therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching & Counseling who specializes in counseling Orlando couples, individuals, and families who are seeking changes in their lives. She has been a mental health professional for over 17 years and is a practicing Orlando counselor that specializes in conflict resolution for couples. You can contact her for an appointment or call 407-592-8997 for more information.