Letting go of anger is never easy. But why? For someone to let go of anger they would have to develop some compassion or care for someone. That is a far more vulnerable feeling than anger. So, anger become the default emotion and it makes sense why. But any therapist in Orlando will tell you that anger is a dangerous emotion to carry around. People who choose to stay angry at other people will find themselves experiencing frequent agitation, resentment, trouble focusing on positive things, difficulty being able to enjoy present moments, and depression. They often find the deep friendships, and strong connections they long to have, are very difficult to maintain.
Figuring out how to deal with angry people can be challenging too. For every angry person there is someone on the receiving end of that anger who suffers greatly. At times it may seem that the harder a person tries to work with, be kind to, or find ways to deal with an angry person, the angrier they become. “Killing them with kindness” often lends them to being more irritated, agitated, and difficult to deal with. It often may seem that the more reasons you give someone to not be angry with you, the angrier they act.
The reason for this is vulnerability. Angry people use that emotion as a defense mechanism of self-protection. If they remain prickly, hard to approach or love, then they keep people at a distance. For them, it is scary to let people in, and they refuse to allow themselves to get hurt by anyone. Especially when they have already felt painful emotions because of another person’s actions. This is when they often turn the anger on and resort to this way of handling that person in the future. People who seek Orlando therapy for individuals having relationship issues, often find that they are holding onto negative emotions such as anger, resentment, or trouble with forgiveness.
Constant firing of adrenaline and cortisol cause heart arrythmias, palpitations, and stress on major organs. Chronically angry people have even been known to experience sudden death due to the negative impact these hormones can have on the body.
Angry people lose the ability to just relax, be calm, or enjoy quiet moments. They are typically on high alert most of the time, and often looking for the next fight. This means their brains are always receiving signs of danger or threats to their safety.
The stress hormones involved in anger weaken the immune system over times. Chronically angry or easily agitated people often find themselves getting sicker more frequently or having colds more often. They may wonder why they always “catch everything.”
The brain, which is the most complex organ in the body, relies on “down-time” to process information. An angry person’s brain gets little to no downtime. They may find that they have poor memory, trouble concentrating or focusing on tasks, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and confusion.
People who get angered easily suffer an inability to feel joy frequently. They often report that they do not feel happy regularly and tend to see things from a “glass half empty” perspective.
They can easily tell themselves and other people stories to support why they should stay angry if it helps them to hold onto that emotion. These stories do not always contain truth, but instead serve to support an unhealthy mindset.
This is a frequent complaint therapist in Orlando hear from people in individual therapy for relationship issues. They have trouble letting go of unhealthy emotions, resentment, or anger. Even if they are not angry with the people they are having a relationship with, they tend to take that anger out on their loved ones often.
Angry people tend to jump quickly into blame, contempt, criticism, and aggressive confrontation or behaviors. This can be yelling, standing over someone, talking loudly in close proximity to someone, bullying tactics, belittling, name-calling, or making threats. These are terrible strategies for resolving conflict, but angry people use them often and push people even further.
This might be one of the most common problems with the angry person. They often are not even aware that their inability to forgive or let go, is at the true core of their anger. Being unable to forgive really has to do with being afraid to feel hurt. Angry people have usually learned from a young age that it feels easier to be angry rather than sad, hurt, or vulnerable.
If you have truly done what you can to ask for forgiveness, and to make amends, but are still having daggers thrown your way by an individual, it is not about you. Therapists for individuals often teach clients how not to personalize things when an angry person interacts with them.
This may mean that if an angry person raises their voice at you often, then you revert to only texting. If you have no choice but to deal with an angry person (at work, in co-parenting, in marriage, etc.) then you will have to determine boundaries that work for you. Individual therapy helps people set healthy boundaries.
If you are unable to remove the toxic person from your life completely, you need to make sure you have healthy outlets and positive support. Its ok to talk to other people, or get away when you need to. Just make sure that you are not allowing the angry person’s energy to take up too much of your own energy!
Remain calm in any confrontation with an angry person. Sometimes staying that way encourages them to calm down too. If you are being threatened, yelled at, belittled, or feeling targeted, point that out, and remove yourself from the conversation, room, or vicinity as quickly as you can. You may even decide to always have a witness nearby, or listening, anytime you engage with the angry person.
If you are easily angered, feel chronic anger at someone, are easily triggered or quick to yell, become aggressive, or have been told you are angry, you can change. You don’t have to live that way anymore. There are things you can begin to do on your own if you want to become a better human being for yourself and people in your life. You can also reach out and talk to a therapist in Orlando or start individual therapy or counseling sessions to find better ways to deal with problems in life.
If your goal is as simple as “I do not want to yell at people anymore,” then that needs to be at the forefront of any exchange you have. When anger starts to rise up, shift your attention to what you want, and choose actions, behaviors and thoughts that support that.
Do not immerse yourself in the news, world politics, or depressing stories which will further support your angry attitude. Make a choice to embrace positive information while you are working on this change.
You need to practice visualizing a less angry, more forgiving, calmer version of yourself. This can only be done with daily self-reflection, positive affirmations, and a committed effort to correcting angry behaviors along the way.
Develop strategies with the help of a therapist or counselor. This will help you identify the reasons why you hold onto anger and the reasons or ways you lash out at people.
Maybe you learned the anger defense technique from an early age, or were hurt badly by someone’s actions later in life. It makes sense why you became mad, bitter, resentful, or angry, but you can make a choice to forgive, let go, and move past this unhealthy emotion.
If people have said they are sorry to you, continue to show you positive regard, and truly want to have healthy interactions with you, what purpose does it serve you to hold onto hostility?
Anger has long-term, damaging health effects and anger causes mental health problems too. The most problematic issue that angry people have is within relationships with others. This is when therapists in Orlando can help and offer the objective feedback they need, as well as strategies and tools, to deal with anger in better ways. If anger is negatively impacting your life or your relationship, you can choose a better way to deal with anger. If you are an individual seeking therapy for how to deal with relationship issues, or an angry person, call 407-592-8997 today to find out how a therapist in Orlando can help.
Heather Oller is a licensed Orlando therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching & Counseling who specializes in counseling Orlando couples, individuals, and families who are seeking changes in their lives. She has been a mental health professional for over 17 years and is a practicing Orlando counselor that specializes in conflict resolution for couples. You can contact her for an appointment or call 407-592-8997 for more information.