Parents and in-laws often play a prominent role in marital happiness. The boundaries you set, or fail to set, will influence your relationship in numerous ways. A lack of limits can generate a lot of marital strife and, sadly, can lead to separation.
There are plenty of explanations for why individuals don't set boundaries with their folks. Occasionally it is a deficiency of knowledge of healthy boundaries. For example, somebody who grew up in an enmeshed family environment may not believe it's invasive for his parents to desire to be involved in the significant decisions in the union. But nevertheless, if his partner has different opinions, it can cause a lot of conflicts.
Although letting your parents cross boundaries may help you keep the peace in the short term, it's probable to have long-term impacts. A couple can't be a couple if other people are involved in their decisions. A healthy union requires privacy and closeness, which aren't likely when there aren't healthy family boundaries. Our experts on marriage counseling in Orlando explain a few healthy boundaries to set with your parents after you get married.
Letting your parents be involved in your finances once you marry can be catastrophic. Although it usually begins with the best intentions, it can quickly turn sour. For instance, if your parents lend you a few thousand dollars to help you buy a new car, pretty soon, they may want to know how you afford going to the movies when you haven't paid them back yet.
How much you earn, the kind of debt you have, and your marital budget doesn't need to be anybody else's business. If you and your partner agree to speak to a parent in private to ask for guidance or to get a little assistance with your taxes, ensure you are both okay with what that may mean. If your parents always try to persuade you that you can't afford your apartment or that you don't need that new vacuum cleaner, it will lead to marriage conflicts. As a couple, you must be able to make economic decisions together without stress or outside influence.
Once married, your partner should be your primary confidante and source of emotional support. Nevertheless, some individuals still turn to their parents as their main support when there's a crisis or when they need guidance. This will undoubtedly stop you and your partner from having a truly intimate connection.
For instance, if you are anxious about your job, speak to your spouse, not your mother. Or if you're excited you were offered a raise, be certain your first call is to your partner and not your folks. These things help separate your connection with your partner from your other relationships.
Your spouse needs to be the individual who offers you the most support. There should undoubtedly be other fans in your life to cheer you on and support you, but your partner should be the go-to person. If your parents are used to meeting those needs for you, it can be tough at first to modify the focus to your partner, but if you keep setting boundaries, over time, it gets more manageable.
Physical boundaries include your physical space, like your house or apartment, and time. Families with insufficient boundaries may have parents who hang out at their home for extended periods while uninvited or who demand a lot of your spare time.
These are just some healthy boundaries to set with your parents after marriage. Contact us today for marriage counseling in Orlando. We are here to help.
Heather Oller is the owner and founder of Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching, and Counseling. She is a licensed counselor and a family mediator who has over 23 years of dedicated work as a professional in the mental health field. Through her company's mission, she continues to pave the way for future therapists, and their clients, who want a higher quality of life....and who want to thrive, rather than just survive. You can contact Orlando Thrive Therapy at (407) 592-8997 for more information.