Bringing Back Those Loving Feelings

Bringing Back Those Loving Feelings

Bringing Back Those Loving Feelings

After years of marriage, partners run the risk of becoming more like roommates than romantic lovers. Household duties, caring for kids, work stress, and finances can cause loving feelings to diminish over time if they aren't managed. Unfortunately, sometimes couples don't bother to rekindle those feelings after losing them. The good news is that couples can do many things to help bring back the loving feelings they lost. Changing your thoughts and conduct is the best way to transform how you feel about something. You will feel differently when you change your thinking and do things differently. This is particularly true when you transform how you think about your partner and how you behave toward them. Making a few small changes can make a significant difference in how you feel.

How to Think Differently

Thinking pessimistic thoughts about your partner leads to negative feelings. For example, remembering that your spouse said something that hurt your feelings or that he forgot to do something you expected can make you resentful and frustrated with your partner. This can cause you to doubt your spouse's love for you, or you may begin to question your whole marriage. However, it doesn't necessarily have to be pessimistic thoughts that lead to adverse feelings. Sometimes, the lack of positive thoughts can also make your connection feel pretty hopeless. For example, if you are concentrating on your career, your children, and other dimensions of your life, you might not spend much time pondering the positive aspects of your union.

Here are some strategies from our experts on in-home marriage therapy in Orlando to help you think differently so you can feel more optimistic about your marriage:

  • Replace negative thoughts with more realistic ones– When you notice negative thoughts about your spouse, replace them with realistic ones. For instance, if you think, "He's a real slob. He never picks up after himself," replace it with something more accurate, like "He likes to do things other than cleaning, and occasionally he doesn't place his dishes in the sink." Often a simple shift in your wording can significantly affect how you feel.
  • Ask yourself what you would tell a friend with the same issue– Think about how you might respond to a friend or relative who came to you with the same problem and attempt to offer yourself the same recommendation. For instance, how would you react to a friend who says, "I am so frustrated that my husband works long hours. Sometimes I believe he doesn't care about spending time together." Maybe you would comfort your friend or tell her to try to communicate with him about it. Offer yourself the same advice you'd offer to your friend, and it can be more manageable to put your circumstances into a more reasonable perspective.
  • Spend time daily concentrating on good things about your partner– Summon positive thoughts about your partner every day. Make a list of five of your partner's best qualities or the five times you felt most in love with your mate. Read the list daily, and it will transform your feelings.

These are some ways to bring some love back to your marriage. Contact us today for in-home marriage therapy in Orlando. We want to help your relationship thrive.

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Heather Oller

Heather Oller is a licensed Orlando therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching & Counseling who specializes in counseling Orlando couples, individuals, and families who are seeking changes in their lives. She has been a mental health professional for over 17 years and is a practicing Orlando counselor that specializes in conflict resolution for couples. You can contact her for an appointment or call 407-592-8997 for more information.