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How To Forgive & Forget

Forgive

When others hurt us, we have a choice. That choice is whether we forgive them or if it is the end of a friendship, relationship, or something that just simply can’t be forgotten. Before we dive into how to forgive, let’s first dissect what forgiveness is and how talking to a counselor in Orlando can help.

Forgiveness is an emotional change in the person that was hurt. It is a decision to overcome and challenge the pain that was inflicted upon us by another person. This means letting go of the resentment, hurt, anger or injustice we felt even though they were all reasonable things to feel in that moment. With this action of letting go, we gather compassion for the other person. Forgiveness isn’t just saying the words “I forgive”, isn’t forgetting the action, isn’t wishing or plotting revenge, forgiveness isn’t reconciliation without an emotional change in the person who has had wrong done to them. We as humans struggle to forgive and talking to a counselor in Orlando often helps. It is a process.

The Four Levels Of Forgiveness

  • Uncovering Phase

    In this first phase, we improve our understanding and attempt to gain insight on this event that has hurt us, and the overall impact it has on us.

    During this phase, write out in a journal or talk yourself through the event to understand it better and come to terms with the outcome. Explain what happened and what made it unfair to you, and the emotions that you felt.

  • Decision Phase

    In this second phase, our insight grows deeper and we start to understand the forgiveness process and if it is viable option for us.

    During this phase, write out your beliefs on forgiveness and how you would go about it, or how you have gone about it in the past. Make a list of pro’s and con’s to forgiving the other person.

  • Work Phase

    In this third phase, we will look at the person that hurt us in a different way which allows us to look at both us and the other person and ourselves.

    During this phase, attempt to gain more insight on the other person. Find out if there is an underlying reason as to why they hurt you, any patterns, or things that may have impacted their behavior towards you. Getting counseling after you’ve been hurt and talking to a counselor in Orlando helps you gain a healthier perspective. Try to understand positive traits of the person as well.

  • Deepening Phase

    In this final phase, the negative emotions associated with the event have decreased and we find new meaning in it for us to grow.

    As you have almost fully forgiven the other person, understand how this event has helped you and the other person grow. Note any changes in perception, behavior and energy spent on the event emotionally. Reflect on how your worldview and personal resiliency has benefited.

There can be various inconsistencies in this template of forgiveness depending on who they are to us, the severity of the injustice, or behavioral patterns. Forgiveness can be hard to accomplish, and in working through this process we learn more about ourselves and love. If you’re having trouble understanding injustice or forgiveness, or want assistance working through these stages and you’d like specific guidance contact a counselor in Orlando at Orlando Thrive Therapy. Be sure to ask if you might qualify for a reduced rate with the author of this article, Mallory Hawkes, today!

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100 West Lucerne Circle, Suite 100-T
Orlando, Florida 32801-3763
Heather Oller

Heather Oller is a licensed Orlando therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Coaching & Counseling who specializes in counseling Orlando couples, individuals, and families who are seeking changes in their lives. She has been a mental health professional for over 17 years and is a practicing Orlando counselor that specializes in conflict resolution for couples. You can contact her for an appointment or call 407-592-8997 for more information.

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